dreamwriters: cupcakes, text reads Sweet Merciful Cupcakes (Sweet Merciful Cupcakes!)
2017-03-05 07:18 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] [Second Chance Idol] Week 1: Not Throwing Away My Shot

This might be a shot in the dark itself. It took me forever to find my word for the year, but I came down with VISIBILITY (which had been my first mental inclination but then I waffled because a Facebook friend had cautioned last year that visibility is a big and scary undertaking for an introvert). For me, I'm defining visibility as an acronym of several powerful words and phrases, somewhat overlapping with the Feelings I Chose (LJ) [Stable, Creative, Flowing, Accomplished], though: Vocal, Imaginative, Stability, Intuition, Being, Integrating, Learning, Identity, Together, Your own value.

I'm finding for me, right now the hardest thing I'm trying to learn from visibility is where I fit in with IDENTITY, in particular. I get suggestions, but then I spend a long time waffling on them because I don't fit into the neat little boxes people expect based on appearance and paperwork.

I'm taking big steps this year into areas I don't usually look at as an expansion of who I am. I'm taking a lot of shots and I'm not sure how many of them will go in, but it feels important this year to step into the messiness of "I don't fit".

I've been going to antiracism workshops at my church and wrestling with the complications of being a mixed-race person who generally sees herself as more white than of-color, even if objectively I know I place in the category "person of color". I mean, even growing up as half-Asian, we never really addressed race, except in light-hearted self-depreciative joking (I always identified more with my White dad than my Chinese mom, even if I looked more like mom -- there's a recurring story that as a kid we'd be at dim sum in chinatown and me and dad would look at each other, say the Cantonese word "lofan" and ask for forks while everyone else used chopsticks [including my younger siblings] -- lofan sounds like the word for "white rice", but basically means in slang "white person" in a derogatory sense).

Plurality also makes identity complicated. I may present female and legally use a female identity marker, but when given the option, I'll check a fill-in-the-blank box and say I'm genderfluid polygender, which is a nonbinary identity, and I use the definition of "gender changes AND goes between all the genders" for that. I don't feel right calling myself trans* because of my presentation, even though nonbinary is technically considered a trans*-umbrella identity.

I'm struggling to figure out how to balance all these identities and make them into the me I feel I am in my head.

To the point where I have completely fallen in love with The Orbiting Human Circus and am planning on using Julian the Janitor for next year's Halloween cosplay at the day program I go to. Because I see so much of Julian in myself. I'm in my head a lot, weaving stories and sometimes it's hard to tell where reality and fiction begin and end because of how much my plurality and attachment to characters plays out in how I see the disparate things of the world in one much greater web. The messiness of those connections is a part of who I am. Even when it confuses other people.

Plus, I really love his song as someone who struggles with mental health and is trying to learn how to speak up and step up:
Oh, here you are
and you’re all you wished to be
you’re alive and you’re
not alone
not alone in this.

- The Music Tapes (Julian Kostner) - "City of Lights" from the Orbiting Human Circus EP

This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10's Second Chance Idol Week 1 Topic: Not Throwing Away My Shot.
dreamwriters: cupcakes, text reads Sweet Merciful Cupcakes (Sweet Merciful Cupcakes!)
2017-02-21 08:32 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] [Home Game] Week 9: Trolley Problem Fanfic: WTNV

Title: Dilemmas
Rating: G
Word Count: 200
Prompt: [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10 Home Game: Week 9: Trolley Problem
Original/Fandom: Fandom: Welcome to Night Vale (Feels Like a lie when I hold you)
Content Warnings: unhealthy relationships
Summary: This is a poem Carlos writes during Poetry Week in Year 4


I really don't deserve him
But the Erikas aren't lying:
If he didn't love me,
The one who sustains this town,
I wouldn't still be here
Four Years Later

Last year was a mistake
A Time Sink
A Misjudgment
But it was also
A Weird-Time-Real-Life-Equivalent
Of the Ages Old Ethics problem

Do you:
(A) Kill everyone else, and save the one you care about?
(B) Or do you kill the one you care about to save everyone else?
(C) Or do you abandon the villain and kill him to save everyone else?

I feel like in Night Vale proper, there would probably be
a fourth, fifth, and sixth option for this problem
Possibly involving some sort of weird-science miracle
But I didn't get those choices
because I was, but wasn't, in Night Vale at the time.

I chose option 3, even though
I still don't know
If it was
The best choice.

But, I know he loves me
In spite of everything.
He chose me and after a long year,
I finally admitted again to choosing him
Over science and fascination
and wanting to help everyone.
This is my home
Weird as it is
Because it's where he is.

This was written as a Home Game entry for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol's Week 9 Topic: Trolley Problem. The other work thus far in this AU series can be found here on Dreamwidth (LJ, AO3).
dreamwriters: I'd rather be writing with a glitter filled purple inknib pen (I'd Rather Be Writing)
2017-02-16 10:42 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] [Second Chance Idol] Declaration of Intent

We, [livejournal.com profile] dreamwriters, Idol veterans just recently voted out after a record-breaking streak of luck, are tossing our hat back in with the intent to compete in [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol's Season 10's Second Chance Idol!

If you were (a) voted out in Season 10 (b) missed the original signup or (c) are only just now hearing about Idol and want to compete, feel free to come join the signups for Second Chance Idol, a concurrent race with eliminations with a certain number of members being able to re-enter the main competition.
dreamwriters: I'd rather be writing with a glitter filled purple inknib pen (I'd Rather Be Writing)
2017-02-08 09:39 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 8: No Comment

I often don't realize what I should say until later, well after the fact.

"Actually, I kinda got stuck in class staring at my goal sheet. Stigma doesn't actually really come up in the goal I'm focusing on in-class because so many people at my church are open about struggling with mental health issues. That's actually one of the reasons it's one of the few places I consider my community."

Usually I say it has to do with my learning disability, but it's not just that. It's also personal and cultural. I'm a wallflower, I'm softspoken. I prefer listening sometimes, especially if it's a topic of interest to me (or it's something I think I might be able to synthesize into something new).

However my silence doesn't mean I don't have opinions or ideas. Get me comfortable and talking (preferably about something I have an interest in) and you'll find that I can talk up a storm and probably won't stop talking and I have lots of ideas gathered from research, and listening to other people.

This year, I'm trying to stretch, to actually be vocal about my opinions because this is a crazy world we're living in, and well, I'm trying to be more visible. If I want to be a published author, a resource-bridger, and a real change agent, I have to learn to speak up to create and be those things.

This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10 Week 8: No Comment.
dreamwriters: a brunette girl with glasses with her hair pulled back wearing a blue and black checked shirt (Default)
2017-01-28 10:17 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 7: Where I'm From

The DreamWriters

Ever since I was in high school,
the crows called me as their own
Guarding me, a reassuring presence
Not long after
A fight with a friend
And my first flirtation
with Self-Harm
He walked in
A guardian angel
in a wool sweater
Assuring me that
there was no need
to take the anger
out on myself
And not long after,
his girlfriend
the one who chose freely
to take the anger for a time

More walkins came
over the next few years,
but we stayed fairly small
Until college
that's when we had twelve new walkins
and a natural split that forked into seven

Among them, Corvus, who took his
name from the Ravens and taught us
why the crows had claimed us in high school
That while they tend to be spirits of death and pain
There's a lot of powerful change involved
especially in learning to bridge their gaps
and see the silver lining of hope and faith
Our purpose: to be the spirit that reflected
in Corvus's two-toned wings:
black with silver
and off-white with gold.

From there we took the name Dreamers United
Vowing to wake up and help out
To build that bridge of hope
Within and without

Years later,
and many more walkins
We shifted...
after discovering a program
based in Recovery, giving us a home
to come into our own just like our
favorite Harry Potter character
Learning the gift of Reiki
from a kind Master
And discovering from a creative friend
That we have a knack for
bridging resources and people

Still using Dreamers as a personal name
We chose a new name,
to be the professional alter ego,
to show that
In our united front,
instead of merely just dreaming
we're choosing to write our dreams
into reality, to continue to be
that bridge of hope

To encourage others
To heal
and share their stories

Name: Emma Hryniewicz
Alterego: The DreamWriters
Motivation: Be the bridge of hope to encourage ALL THE STORIES.
Qualities: Expert [+4] Writer, Expert [+4] Motivator, Good [+2] Healer, Good [+2] Soup & Nary Connections, Average [0] Plural System, Average [0] Activist, Poor [-2] Softspoken Poor [-2] Wallflower
Powers: Good [+2] Reiki Healer, Good [+2] Word of Mouth

This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10 Week 7: Where I'm From. It is also based on a prompt from a facebook friend that I was going to use for the December Blogging Meme 2016: "You are a superhero! Tell your origin story!" as a result this is also being crossposted to Medium. If you want to know another aspect of "Where I'm From" you can also check out this old poem I wrote a couple years ago (LJ).
dreamwriters: a pencil at a diagonal with Just Write in the lower left corner (Just Write)
2017-01-22 05:27 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 6: Heel Turn

Lurking Whisperer
"We weren't always like this,"
Granmè once told me
in whispers over High Tea,
"We were the good guys once,
Some of the best,
Taking from immoral 1%
To help the lowly poor the best."
She continued,
"The Others
Will tell you we're evil,
But that's merely
a difference
Of opinion.
We do what we must
To survive."

I hold that memory
Close to heart
When I volunteer
To investigate
The small town
With the vampire mayor
Declaring itself Sanctuary

While I won't out myself
Just yet
A lurking whisperer
Using the shadows to
Look watch wait
And inform

Like the vampires
I prefer the night
So this town should suit me
Just fine

And who knows
Maybe I'll find
That doing this
Might help us

This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10 Week 6: Heel Turn. This is a poem written using a character I'm playing in an RPG. But you don't need to know the game to get the poem.
dreamwriters: a brunette girl with glasses with her hair pulled back wearing a blue and black checked shirt (Default)
2017-01-14 03:29 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 5 Fear is the heart of love

Shifts and Turns

Faith and Religion is
a very fine line
The Master who said "Love your neighbors"
Who gave His Blood to the faithful
And Rose from the Dead
Changing them with the Spirit
His Path twisted by
"What the Romans said"
Losing its Heart
Trapped in Fear
Love now being lost
In "What the Pastor
And your Elders said".
Not the root of His Choices
But Human Misinterpretation
Now Others
Are slowly reclaiming
The Truth and Trust
The Original Path
The cycle circles back
To Love

This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10 Week 5: Fear is the heart of love.
dreamwriters: cupcakes, text reads Sweet Merciful Cupcakes (Sweet Merciful Cupcakes!)
2017-01-11 06:07 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 4 Sudden Death Match: Open Topic

Camouflaged Meetings of Protest

These are the years we don't speak of.
Except in quiet discontentment
"I wish it were just a dream"
People divided within the Matrix
With a puppetmaster running the show
His puppet, a child pretending to be Godzilla,
tearing down all we were
All that we'd built,
all the progress we'd made

Small crowds gather
Awoken within the Matrix
Faithfully stepping forward
To Protect and Serve
That Progress
Keeping Hope Alive
Away from them
Protecting it for the future
Trying to avoid
The World War
Threatening to Reboot the Matrix
Making us Small and Insignificant

This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10, Week 4: Sudden Death Match: Open Topic. I decided to generate myself a postage stamp bingo card for my personal prompt and wrote something inspired by it.
Postage Stamp Bingo card )
dreamwriters: a pencil at a diagonal with Just Write in the lower left corner (Just Write)
2017-01-05 10:38 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 4: Not What You Do but How Do You Want to Feel

Not What You Do but How Do You Want to Feel

Haven't yet figured out this year's goals
But I think I've figured out the feelings
Fierce yet flexible, flowing, creative, clear
Stretching, soaring but comfortable
Knowing these are
better intuitive guideposts
they're what makes the year feel good
And after the last year
where dreams suddenly came true
almost out of nowhere
combined with loss and fear
at the time of transitions
I know that what I need
is to set the foundations first
the things that will make
this cycle smooth and decisive
So I can see which way to turn
To be where I want to go

(This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10 Week 4: “I don't skate to where the puck is. I skate to where the puck is going to be.")
dreamwriters: cupcakes, text reads Sweet Merciful Cupcakes (Sweet Merciful Cupcakes!)
2016-12-03 08:10 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 2: That One Friend: Bye

I'm using a bye this week. >< I've been trying to write something all day and nothing's quite working right.
dreamwriters: cupcakes, text reads Sweet Merciful Cupcakes (Sweet Merciful Cupcakes!)
2016-11-23 05:55 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 1: I need the struggle to feel alive

Sweet merciful cupcakes, this is not going as planned!

2016 has been one hell of a year. If you're into woo-y stuff, 2016 is considered a 9 universal year. 9 years are basically about the transformational power of endings -- "one cannot heal the past, if they don't eventually let go of it".

It's been a year of tough global and local shifts and realizations and in some cases, deep loss. The struggle is real, but it's also a birth, a choice. For me it's been a really interesting transition and something of a practice for my own personal 9 year in this coming April.

I pulled out the default trio of decks I use for one of my Welcome to Night Vale inspired tarot spreads this morning, asking what I needed to know and the reading came up as follows:
 photo 15137605_10207193939678742_3690968965317218323_o.jpg
(click to view larger)

[image description: A tarot spread of what should be a 9-card block. The top row is of cards from Danielle LaPorte's Truthbombs Volume 1 Deck is overlying thoughts which tend to represent edgy truths to consider, the middle row of cards is from Sonia Choquette's Trust Your Vibes oracle card deck which represents actions that can be taken, and the bottom row of cards is from my Yu--Gi-Oh! TCG playing card oracle deck, which represents thoughts feelings and actions underneath the actions and truths to consider.
Middle Column - Center cards: Stay in your own skin & Let Go, bottom middle card: Reverse Trap, Top Middle: Recalibrate what you're willing to compromise on & Absolutely everything is progress (Reversed)
Left Column - Center Cards: Mentors and Role Models & Call on your Joy Guides, Bottom left card: Soul Exchange, Top left card: Your life purpose is what you say it is (Reversed)
Right Column - Center Card: Talk Shop, Bottom Right: Dark Assailant (Reversed), Top Right: We know each other]

I interpreted the reading this way:

Focus/main action: Stay in your own skin & let go. Underlying thoughts to main action: beware the reverse trap -- take care that for the time being there will be opposition. Overthoughts on the main action: recalibrate what you're willing to compromise on; maybe consider that not absolutely everything is progress.

Things to do to help you perform main action: call on your mentors, role models and joy guides. Underlying thoughts to this action: remember that there is always an energy exchange. Overthoughts on this action: consider if your life purpose might not be what you say it is.

Actions to consider performing after you get in your skin and let go of what no longer serves: talk shop. Underlying thoughts: Consider serving for Justice and what is right. Overthoughts: Remember that those who remain know each other.

With the upcoming season and a new year soon enough, there's a lot of things to think about and consider.

And I can't help but reflect on how hard it is to make the choice to do these things. It's hard to be the person in the room who stands up even when things are terrifying. To be the writer who will go where other writers fear to tread. To be the change I want to step into.

(This was written for [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol Season 10, Week 1. If you missed it, our home game introduction is back here)
dreamwriters: cupcakes, text reads Sweet Merciful Cupcakes (Sweet Merciful Cupcakes!)
2016-11-13 02:37 pm

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Week 0 (Late Entry/Home Game) Introduction

Hi everyone, we’re back again. This year deciding to only write collectively, though we aren’t sure what our gimmick this round will be. :)

We’ve done RLJI in various forms since Season 5 - Ruby (a headmate) did Season 5 via [livejournal.com profile] crowblood_heart (entries), we collectively did Seasons 6-8 we did collectively on [livejournal.com profile] dreamwriteremmy and Exhibit B as our Agent DreamWriter character on [personal profile] dreamwriteremmy (entries), and we did season 9 collectively here on [livejournal.com profile] dreamwriters (entries) and Giselle (a headmate) also participated in Season 9 via [livejournal.com profile] gisellewakfld (entries).

We’re an over 100 member plural system and usually we go by Dreamers United which is our actual system name, but when we’re writing professionally, it’s usually The DreamWriters now or our legal name which is Emma (we use Emmy as a nickname). Our preferred pronouns are they conjugated as plural, so they are, etc. (We’ll accept female and genderneutral pronouns as well, or you could just ask since who’s fronting tends to also determine pronouns.)

We write a little bit of everything: personal narrative, fiction, poetry, and fanfiction.

We are 28 years old and a reiki practitioner and lifelong learner and a cat caretaker volunteer at our local animal shelter. Currently on top of participating with Idol, we are also doing a variety of projects for National Novel Writing Month, including a currently open Irregular Prompt Call. If you want to help us write stories this month, please go over to the prompt call open post on Dreamwidth (or here on LJ) for stories about: minority characters, nonviolent resistance, problems that can’t be solved with hitting and/or happy prompts!
dreamwriters: a brunette girl with glasses with her hair pulled back wearing a blue and black checked shirt (Default)
2016-11-12 10:13 am

[The Real LJ Idol Season 10] Declaration of Intent

[livejournal.com profile] therealljidol is in session again for Season 10 and we Idol veterans are tossing our hat into the ring collectively again!

(Though I'm not sure what exactly we're going to do stylewise this round.)

If you want to sign up, sign ups are still open here; just remember to include if you're a newbie or a veteran.
dreamwriters: a brunette girl with glasses with her hair pulled back wearing a blue and black checked shirt (Default)
2014-04-07 02:56 pm

The Real LJ Idol: No One Can Ride Your Back If It's Not Bent

You look out over the yard where Vitore is showing off to the pregnant girl she rescued from the streets, weaving the light of the fading sunset into a swirling cloak of sunfire sparks around her: entertainment rather than destruction.

You're both jealous and proud. She's truly living up to her namesake in spite of the fact that she now knows the darkness that birthed her into this world. And she stands far taller than you ever did when you came to terms with that nightmare. She seems still determined to prove that Willer doesn't have to mean weapon or exotic toy like the scientists intended, but that it could mean something more like hero, helper and entertainment by choice.

Your whole family of choice has always been doing that. All of you for the past few years have been building bridges and growing hearts where others would simply turn away and close their eyes to the differences that mark you as other: superpowers, gender nonconformity, and various forms of disability.
dreamwriters: a brunette girl with glasses with her hair pulled back wearing a blue and black checked shirt (Default)
2014-03-16 01:48 pm

The Real LJ Idol Season 9 - Byeing Out Week 1

I'm using one of my byes this week... This one is NOT getting me anything. Hopefully next week is more of a comfortable WHAT THE HECK than this one?
dreamwriters: a pencil at a diagonal with Just Write in the lower left corner (Just Write)
2014-03-03 05:49 pm

The Real LJ Idol Season 9 - Sign Up

I'm back in the craziness of [livejournal.com profile] therealljidol for Season 9 (on top of all the OTHER craziness I'm doing over the next few months [like writing an epic polyamory-themed fanfic, finding a job, mentoring a student in Reiki, and helping out with the Earth-based Spirituality group at church]).

Also this journal is public which means that things that have been talked about on my other account WILL come up here and this account is actually associated with my legal name because I want to be able to own everything.

I'm not sure how week 0 is going to work this time around, but I can explain why the switch in whatever way Gary decrees when that happens.

If you'd like to join the insanity and be a part of an amazing batch of creative writers, the sign-up is over here and the FAQ is over here